COMMENTARY

Cancer and the emotional roller coaster

Lee's Summit JournalOctober 24, 2013 

Do you like roller coasters? I don’t. I hate that feeling of leaving my stomach 10 feet above me. Cancer brings that kind of feeling. Up, down and even upside down. Your emotions are all over the place. People say, don’t make any major decisions during this time.

My husband Don is an “A” personality type. He is a planner. He likes things taken care of and doesn’t like things left out there as to what is going to happen. Cancer is tough on a type A personality. You can’t take care of everything. You can’t plan everything out. You don’t know what is going to happen. But what he can plan and take care of, he does have control over.

It is very important to Don to make sure that when he dies (now or 30 years later), that I am taken care of. Things like, being in a home I can easily manage and that financially things are set up for me. Now, I too am a type “A” personality. Oh brother! What to do? It’s easy. I take myself out of the equation and allow my husband to do for me what he wishes.

So, that being said (remember I said you aren’t supposed to make major decisions?), we are selling our home and downsizing into a maintenance provided community. I know, we are taking on a lot. But we are doing it together and I’m allowing Don to help plan for my future. He wanted me to find a home I would like. That I would chose to live in.

But, I am planning for our future. My friend Bec was in town this past weekend. I took her around to some maintenance provided neighborhoods and we even went inside a few. There is one community in particular that I had been leaning toward and one home I’d seen and thought would work.

“Thought would work?” That was Bec’s question to me. Why am I settling? Why am I not looking for a home that Don and I would love. What is the rush to just move? Stop looking at this move as just settling for something to get it done and done quick. (I love Bec!) She made me really stop and take stock. Do I want to move? Is it the right time? Are there other communities out there that I would like better? Homes that would fit us better? The answer to all the questions is yes.

I don’t want to just settle. I want to have a home that both Don and I will love. I do want to downsize so that there will be less for us to do, and I do want to spend our time in a beautiful home that we’ve chosen and not just settled for.

The roller coaster ride is just getting started. But I am choosing to keep my feet on firm ground. I won’t be able to control everything, nor can Don. But the things we can control, we will work through them together.

 

Jet Pabst is the owner of A Thyme for Everything is located in Downtown Lee’s Summit at 229B SE Main Street. www.athymeforeverythi ng.com

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