Staring and starring at the movies

Lee's Summit JournalDecember 31, 2013 

Holidays are over, it’s winter and it’s cold so there isn’t much to do except watch a movie. If you can’t afford $85 for two hours of questionable entertainment, there are other options. Blockbuster is gone but they are gone for a reason, we don’t need them. We can watch all the movies we want from home. There are several viable options for watching movies from home: Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Bucky’s Movie Download Service. Well, three out of four isn’t bad.

Before you sit down to watch a movie there are a couple of things to look for:

Remote. You have to have a remote, especially if you have kids. If for no other reason then they don’t need you all day until you sit down to watch a movie. You will need that pause button eventually. It’s not just kids you will need the pause button for. You ever sit through a movie and have all these questions go through your mind? I do but that is where they stay, silently in my mind. Some people however, can’t hold it in and they talk out those questions or comments.

“What does she think she is doing?” “Why didn’t he just shoot him?” “Hit him!” “Kill her now! Now! Why doesn’t she kill her now?” “Watch out!” “Why she wearing that?”

NoDoze. If you are watching a movie with your kids, it’s a good idea to have some. I mean having to watch the Pretty Pink Pony Princess or Power Rangers once is bad enough but by the eighth time it gets really old. I believe they should make detainees watch these movies to get them to give information. Oh, that’s right that would be considered torture.

There are some things you can do to make a good movie more interesting or a bad movie fun:

Watch for the staring: Have you noticed that? It is in all movies, especially scary movies. The alien is about to grab the guy and the guy … stares. The slasher comes in the room slashing and the girl … stares. In other movies it happens also, when someone steps in front of a bus instead of jumping out of the way they … stare, a guy steps out of the house, looks up sees the asteroid falling and he … stares. During a scuffle over a gun the gun goes flying across the room and both … stare at it for 10 seconds before going for it. Count how many stares you see.

Watch for starring: Not looking for stars but the character actors. The first one to name where they have seen that actor before wins. Be careful though. If you are in a place you can’t look it up online it can ruin the entire movie. You spend the rest of the movie trying to figure it out and you miss the rest of the movie. Hey, shouldn’t there be a lifetime achievement award for character actors?

Lip-syncing is also fun. Especially, if you are watching a movie like the Pretty Pink Pony Princess. It is also fun to do while watching really old movies.

One last thing to do, agree on which movie to watch. That can be hard. Before I go let me share a few movie quotes. See if you can guess the movie. Maybe they will give you an idea of a good movie to watch. You ever hear someone say, “Let’s see a good movie.” I like to answer, “I think I would rather watch a horrible one tonight.” Anyway, quotes:

“You’re killing me Smalls.”

“People will most definitely come.”

“Out here, due process is a bullet.”


“Badges, we don’t need no stinking badges.”

“Hi Curly. Killed anyone today?”

“Man’s gotta know his limitations.”

“What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate.”

“We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”

“We’d better get back, ‘cause it’ll be dark soon and they mostly come out at night…mostly.”

Happy watching and remember men, when she asks “Hey honey, do you think she is pretty?” never answer that. Don’t just stare. Run!


Denny Craft is a freelance writer/humorist and has just completed the book, “Cats Lay Eggs.”

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