The ‘Farmers’ Market?

Guest columnistJuly 10, 2014 

I ran into a friend who said he and his wife had gone to the Farmers Market. He told me they picked up some cucumbers, tomatoes, some snapdragons (whatever those are), a couple of pot holders and cinnamon rolls. Wait! What? Cinnamon rolls? You can get cinnamon rolls at a farmers market?

He said, “Sure, you can get all kinds of things at the farmer’s market.” I gathered that by the fact you bought pot holders and snapdragons. I thought all you could get was fruits and vegetables. Hmm, what do you know?

I had to go and check one of these things out. I asked my friend where to find a farmers market. He said they have them all over. Blue Springs, Lee’s Summit and Independence have them. “Cool, what time they open?” He said, “About 7 a.m.”

“On a Saturday?” For crying out loud, I am not a farmer. He said you have to get there early to get the best choice. I’m thinking, “Of what, pot holders?

So I get up and plan on taking a trip to these three farmers markets. I had to see what all of the hullabaloo was about. I think that was the first time I ever wrote a sentence with hullabaloo in it. That was the second. Oops, ADD kicking in. Anyway, back to the farmers market. I didn’t go alone. I wanted to share the experience, so I made a friend go with me. He had never been to one either and didn’t really care to, from his reaction when I told him I would pick him up at 6:45 a.m. on Saturday.

In a nutshell, here are some things I discovered:

I don’t know about you, but I know I wouldn’t buy some of these so-called vegetables. I mean beets, rutabagas, a few bags of unknown veggies. The label just read “greens.” I’m guessing “grass clippings.”

I am not sure all of these vendors are farmers. I mean, hey, there was a mom and two daughters selling frilly cookies for $2.50 a pop. I know that farmer with the grass clippings doesn’t make those on his farm. And I don’t think the woman selling windmill lawn ornaments was a farmer either.

One of these so-called farmers was selling bread. He said his wife makes it. I’m thinking, this guy is no farmer because farmers like to work. He has his wife do all this baking and he comes up here every Saturday and sits around collecting the dough. But baked goods at a farmer’s market? Shouldn’t they be at a bake sale? Farmers don’t come sell vegetables at a bake sale. It’s kind of unfair.

And crafts, I found crafts, and I am not just talking about me. Yep, pot holders, wooden things, yard chimes made from … something, kettle corn, pillow cases, blankets and bling. Yes, jewelry? What farmer has time to make jewelry and pot holders?

A woman started setting up late, but I stayed around to see what delicacies she might have. Her sign told me she was from a local college. She was selling some sort of drink. Let me think, college, farmers, hmm…? What kind of drink could that be?

Well, I had officially experienced the “farmers market.” I’m taking my unknown veggies, my pot holders with cows on them and my new windmill lawn ornament and going home. Cinnamon rolls? $3.50 for two? You crazy?

By the way, how big do snapdragons get and what do they eat?

Maybe I’ll see you at one of the local farmers markets this weekend. They really do have some tasty vittles there.


Denny Craft is a freelance writer/humorist and has just completed the book, “Cats Lay Eggs.”

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